Category: Parenting

Rarely have I had the chance to quote Jimi Hendrix, especially when it comes to something that doesn’t have to do with rock n’roll or drugs…So imagine my surprise when I found this quote on wisdom by him:

Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

Such a lovely way to distill all that encompasses the mental machinations of being wise.

Now, listen. I’ve got to tell you that I’m intentionally not going to wax philosophical about wisdom in relation to religion. The Bible, the Koran, Confucius, Buddha, Hindu religion – all good places to find a wealth of teachings on wisdom.

If you have a spiritual practice then there is your go-to place to start. In fact, you might have a few great teaching ideas yourself, and if so, please share them. I’d love to hear many different perspectives.

After doing my research, however, I can say that wisdom is a gumbo of good judgement: knowledge, open mindedness, creativity, curiosity, perspective, love of learning and listening.

Raising wise children

1. Read books. Lots of books. A good place to start is Barefoot Books Tales of Wisdom and Wonder. It’s a compilation of stories gathered from around the world and retold for little ears.

2. Grandparents. If wisdom comes with age, than what better place to learn than at the feet of our elders. Plus, grandparents and grandchildren can have an incredibly strong bond – if for no other reason that they share a common enemy: the parents. At least that’s what my mother tells me (he he).

3. Mother Nature. Aside from getting kids outside, which is always a good thing, traipsing about in nature rewards wise decisions. Balancing on a downed tree? The wise child goes slowly and makes it safely to the other side. The tree will be the teacher. And gravity.

It only takes one fall to get kids to start making better, wiser decisions. Nature is a wonderful place to test out our instincts, ultimately teaching wisdom.

4. Ask good questions. This isn’t for silly time or just bantering back and forth. When you feel that teachable moment upon you, ask your child provoking questions that get him thinking. Contemplation leads to knowing oneself, and that leads to wisdom.

Being wise adults

As with all of the other character traits, you can’t teach what you don’t have. The old axiom ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ is a bunch of hooey. Only, as a parent, sometimes it’s easier to lecture than to act. Seriously, whenever I hear myself lecturing my girls I think of Charlie Brown’s teacher. Urgh. Actions speak louder than words.

1. Think before you act or decide. Let your child see you thinking. Taking a moment teaches patience and decision making.

2. Consider the long term goal. If you get stuck making short term decisions: a ‘shut up treat’ at the grocery store, one more book at bed time and then another book and then another. You see where I’m going…the long tern goals keep things in perspective.

3. Make exceptions to the rule. Barry Schwartz has an interesting TED talk on the loss of our wisdom. Like Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone‘. There are rules, even ones that you’ve made yourself. But rules should be broken sometimes, or at least altered.

Wisdom always points you in the right direction. Schwartz’s take away sound bite: “the good news is you don’t need to be brilliant to be wise. The bad news is that without wisdom, brilliance isn’t enough.”

I could put together a check list. In fact, you could put together a check list. But, seriously, that’s like the whole No Child Left Behind debacle. It assures mediocrity (to paraphrase Schwartz on rules and incentives). It stops people from actually thinking for themselves and it’s the thinking, the listening, the weighing of right and wrong that leads to wisdom.

So teach that: thinking, listening, weighing of right and wrong. You’ll be golden. And so will your kids.

Previous Character Lessons: Love of Learning, Bravery, Open Mindedness, Curiosity, Creativity, Patience, Humor, Hope, Love, Gratitude, Zest, Social Intelligence, Self Control, Grit

photo credit: Modern Home Modern Baby

Back in the days before video games, DVRs, and the Internet, long summer nights were filled with outside activities. Since most of us got to stay outside until “the streetlights come on” we hurriedly gulped down dinner and rushed back out to play with our friends.

We’d play until someone noticed that it was too dim to see much and the lights were blinking on all over the neighborhood. At that point it was a mad scramble to get in your house before your mom noticed it was dark.

Red Rover was a favorite back then and it provides just as much fun, exercise, and entertainment now! It is a great way to use up the last bit of energy before bed.

You’ll need at least six people, but it’s better if you have more.

How to Play

1. Choose two captains – one for each team.
2. Divide everyone up into two equal teams.
3. Each team forms a line, holds hands, and faces the other team – keep the lines about 20 to 30 feet apart.
4. The captain of the first team calls one player from the other team by saying, “Red Rover, Red Rover, send (player’s name) on over!”
5. The person called has to leave his team and run to the other team, attempting to break the other teams’ chain.
6. If the player doesn’t break the chain he has to become part of the other team.
7. If he does break the chain he can “capture” one of the players whose link was broken and take them back to his team where they become part of that team.
8. Teams take turns calling players from the opposing team until all of the players are on one side.

As with all games that involve physical interaction, you should be careful. Try to have the players all in the same age group and similar weights and sizes. If a large person breaks through the chain with too much force, obviously someone could get hurt. Remember, these games are supposed to be fun!

photo credit: Lauren Lank

Finding Kind is a documentary that is bringing attention to what Lauren and Molly, the creators call, “The Mean Girl Phenomenon.” In 2009, these two inspiring girls, along with their mothers, packed up and began a cross country trip with the hopes of establishing a national school program that would work to end the ongoing mean spirited bullying that tends to happen among girls.

Call it a “girls will be girls” thing or “right of passage” – I call it bullying and I think that Finding Kind is a breath of fresh air. What a fantastic way to open the doors of communication for our daughters. I have three and I’m a woman who remembers what it was like to be young and in the path of mean girls.

I also know what it’s like to see and be around mean women, because mean girls can grow up to be mean women. So this campaign is a fantastic opportunity to work with our daughters to engage in change and perhaps we can be the change we want to see.

The girls from the documentary are now seeing their idea through to fruition and are hosting Kind Campaign Assemblies at schools around the nation. They are engaging in open conversations with girls in those schools. Exercises are conducted during the assemblies which involve the girls becoming accountable for their actions.

One example, given in a news report, shared that the girls were asked to write an apology to someone in the room along with something kind and it was an activity that really resonated with many in attendance. It was clear through the various interviews that the activities had the potential to lead to social changes within those schools.

The premise behind Finding Kind is fantastic and it really has a wonderful message and the potential for great growth for all who participate in the assemblies and view the documentary.

If you can’t bring an assembly to your area, consider hosting a movie screening. Movie screenings are being hosted privately around the nation where schools and families are taking a proactive approach to solving this well known, yet swept under the rug “mean girl” trend. They are using the viewing of this film as a catalyst for discussion, and it’s a consideration for all who are looking to help their daughters be the best versions of themselves.

I find it very encouraging to see so many documentaries focusing on the bullying epidemic that is occurring with our children. We simply shouldn’t have children feeling so hopeless that they are willing to harm themselves. Period.

By bringing to light what is happening in our schools and neighborhoods, rather than pretending it’s not happening, we have the potential for real change. By holding our children accountable, providing them with real tools for change as well as advocating for that change – we will see a difference, I am confident of that.

Interested in knowing more?

Watch the Trailer

Head to the Finding Kind Website

Would you take your daughters to a screening of Finding Kind?

image credit: Kind Campaign

Postpartum depression is a heavy topic and one that has a stigma of shame attached to it – although, when you discuss it among a group of mothers, I think you’d find more often than not, genuine empathy and support rather than judgment.

In recent years, more and more celebrities are coming out and discussing their battles with this sometimes debilitating disease. Courtney Cox, Amanda Peet and Brooke Shields – all of which have experienced varying levels of PPD following the birth of their children have all opened up about postpartum depression and it’s paralyzing affects.

Gwyneth Paltrow sat down recently with Amanda de Cadanet for a new Lifetime series The Conversations with Amanda de Cadanet to discuss her battle with postpartum depression – a fact not unknown to the general public since releasing the news as a part of her GOOP newsletter back in 2010.

During the conversation, Gwyneth shared that she felt very disconnected from everyone following the birth of her son Moses in in 2006. ”I just didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure it out. It never occurred to me,” remarked Paltrow, when discussing her realization that she might be dealing with postpartum depression. It was her husband, Chris Martin, who brought it to her attention that it might, in fact, be PPD.

When when she looked up the symptoms of the condition (see below), she realized that it was in fact the condition she was dealing with. “I couldn’t connect with my son the way that I had with my daughter and I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t connect to anyone. I felt like a zombie. I felt very detached.”

What I found most encouraging about this interview was what she had to say regarding the stigma and the judgement attached to things like postpartum depression and motherhood in general:

“We think that it makes us bad mothers or we didn’t do it right, but it’s like, we’re all in this together,” Paltrow said. “I never understand why mothers judge other mothers, like, ‘What do you mean you didn’t breastfeed? What do you mean you didn’t do this?’ It’s like, ‘Can’t we all just be on each other’s side?’ It’s so hard anyway. Can’t we all help each other get through it?”

I am so encouraged that celebrities are using their voices to open the discussion on important topics such as these. This, my friends, is what we should focus on when we hear and see friends going through the months following the birth’s of their children because it is not an easy time. We know when they are struggling – we see the signs – and when we do, we should offer them an olive branch, not a bunch of judgement.

Do not make it harder on them by making them feel bad about not choosing to breastfeed or for struggling to make it through the day with their newborn. Offer to babysit while they take a shower and have some time to themselves.

Offer them a listening ear and let them know that the parenting path they take is ok because it’s the right one for them. Make them feel normal for feeling overwhelmed at times. Perfection in parenting is not reality and we need to allow mothers the comfort of knowing, living and finding peace with that. Sometimes, it’s ok to be good enough.

Additionally, if you or a friend is experiencing what you think is PPD, work together to get help. Below are the signs and symptoms of this sometimes debilitating condition – it should not be ignored. PPD often requires therapy and medical intervention to remedy, along with emotional support from family and friends.

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression according to the Mayo Clinic website:

Postpartum depression symptoms
Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:

• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Intense irritability and anger
• Overwhelming fatigue
• Loss of interest in sex
• Lack of joy in life
• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Severe mood swing
• Difficulty bonding with the baby
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

Untreated, postpartum depression may last for a year or more.

If you or someone you love is showing active signs of PPD, please be proactive in pursuing help so all involved can work towards getting back to a sense of happiness and normalcy sooner rather than later. This isn’t a journey that should be taken alone.

Photo: PR Photos

Quote Source: OTRC

Parenting.org is a fantastic resource for all parents. It is a website sponsored through Boys Town, an organization that supports families most in need – whether that be due to financial, emotional or physical hardship. Their mission is:

Every day, through programs nationwide, Boys Town reaches out to help those who are most in need. We lift them up, heal their wounds and put them on the path to a brighter future.

Boys Town has been saving children and healing families for more than 90 years for two reasons: Read more…

Recently, the movie Bully was released to much anticipation and conversation on the topic, because it has become such an epidemic in our country. And when I say epidemic, I don’t say it lightly. We have young children feeling so disheartened and at a loss for hope that they are willing to take their own lives. It is heart wrenching.

At one time, kids were once able to escape bullies at school or on the bus for the comfort of their homes, but they are now exposed to technology that connects them to their bullies 24 hours a day. They can no longer get away if the bully chooses to make it their mission to hound them day in and day out. Read more…

Going to dinner with kids can be a such a feat that you may choose to avoid it altogether – but sometimes, it’s just nice to have someone else do the cooking for you.

Here are some tips to make it all work, so you can leave with your sanity still intact:

Set the Stage for Behavior 

Before you enter the restaurant, set the stage for good behavior with your kids. For those who are old enough to understand specific directions and expectations, a quick reminder as to proper behavior in a restaurant setting is always a good idea. Read more…

Have you heard of Wittlebee? It’s really cool. Essentially, it’s autopilot for getting your kids dressed.

Basically, think of the worst shopping experience you have with your kids – which, incidentally for me, is most times when I shop with my girls. They are 2 and 4 and love to play hide and seek under the clothes racks. They think it’s especially hysterical to have me ‘chase’ them through the store, using my whisper yell for them to ‘come here!’

Now, cast that vision aside and NEVER have to endure it again. Oh, hell yeah!

OK, back to the beginning. What is Wittlebee? Read more…

I was going to tell you about how a love of learning can lead a young mind toward a fulfilling and fruitful life.

I was going to tell you how a love of learning is a life long endeavor, a way to ensure continued passionate endeavors.

I was going to tell you how our educational system is so broken that it favors rote memorization over actual learning. Learning (!), as in, to be educated! Urgh.

Only I sounded like a know-it-all to my own ears. A little preachy. So I thought I’d settle with a story and a few quotes to make my point because there are people out there who know better than me. Read more…

Maybe you’ve heard of the latest diet craze? I first heard about it on the news but now have seen countless stories on it. It’s called the K-E diet or more descriptively, the feeding tube diet. And yes. It involves an actual feeding tube.

I suppose adding my opinion to the mix won’t really matter here – it seems like people are appropriately up in arms about this diet, about the doctor who is promoting it and about the women who are on it.

Oh, and about the society we live in that might give rise to such behavior. I support any and everyone who thinks this goes way beyond drastic and thinks that it is a wildly bad idea. Read more…

Getting your kids in the kitchen doesn’t have to be stressful. It can be an opportunity that results in a positive experience for your both. It will result in a child that not only participates and contributes to the family efforts, but it will result in opening the doors of communication as you work together to create a family meal or clean up afterwards – so consider the five suggestions below for getting your kids working with you in the kitchen. Read more…

Breastfeeding your child is a big commitment, and in the earlier months it is a commitment that can require your attention every couple of hours, which doesn’t allow for a lot of time out of the house unless you are willing to nurse in public.

Some of them are referred to as “Hooter Hiders,” while others just plain nursing covers – but whatever they are called, they allow for you to have the freedom to move about town and nurse your baby as needed while accomplishing the day’s tasks – which wasn’t always the case. Read more…

One of my favorite quotes from Pulp Fiction is when The Wolf says: just because you are a character doesn’t mean you have character.

Sometimes I think I’m raising children who are characters. I mean, what with all the crying and hurling onto the floor. Granted, I’ve got preschool age children, so a bit of dramatic flailing and hurling about is par for the course – but it was one particular tantrum sparked by the wind blowing hair across my 4 year old’s face that I thought: grit. This girl needs some grit!

But how to teach grit?

When I read about a school in New York City that is incorporating character lessons into the curriculum in inventive ways, I knew I needed to understand a little more about teaching character to children. Specifically, my children. Read more…