Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

Such a lovely way to distill all that encompasses the mental machinations of being wise.

Now, listen. I’ve got to tell you that I’m intentionally not going to wax philosophical about wisdom in relation to religion. The Bible, the Koran, Confucius, Buddha, Hindu religion – all good places to find a wealth of teachings on wisdom.

If you have a spiritual practice then there is your go-to place to start. In fact, you might have a few great teaching ideas yourself, and if so, please share them. I’d love to hear many different perspectives.

After doing my research, however, I can say that wisdom is a gumbo of good judgement: knowledge, open mindedness, creativity, curiosity, perspective, love of learning and listening.

Raising wise children

1. Read books. Lots of books. A good place to start is Barefoot Books Tales of Wisdom and Wonder. It’s a compilation of stories gathered from around the world and retold for little ears.

2. Grandparents. If wisdom comes with age, than what better place to learn than at the feet of our elders. Plus, grandparents and grandchildren can have an incredibly strong bond – if for no other reason that they share a common enemy: the parents. At least that’s what my mother tells me (he he).

3. Mother Nature. Aside from getting kids outside, which is always a good thing, traipsing about in nature rewards wise decisions. Balancing on a downed tree? The wise child goes slowly and makes it safely to the other side. The tree will be the teacher. And gravity.

It only takes one fall to get kids to start making better, wiser decisions. Nature is a wonderful place to test out our instincts, ultimately teaching wisdom.

4. Ask good questions. This isn’t for silly time or just bantering back and forth. When you feel that teachable moment upon you, ask your child provoking questions that get him thinking. Contemplation leads to knowing oneself, and that leads to wisdom.

Being wise adults

As with all of the other character traits, you can’t teach what you don’t have. The old axiom ‘Do as I say and not as I do’ is a bunch of hooey. Only, as a parent, sometimes it’s easier to lecture than to act. Seriously, whenever I hear myself lecturing my girls I think of Charlie Brown’s teacher. Urgh. Actions speak louder than words.

1. Think before you act or decide. Let your child see you thinking. Taking a moment teaches patience and decision making.

2. Consider the long term goal. If you get stuck making short term decisions: a ‘shut up treat’ at the grocery store, one more book at bed time and then another book and then another. You see where I’m going…the long tern goals keep things in perspective.

3. Make exceptions to the rule. Barry Schwartz has an interesting TED talk on the loss of our wisdom. Like Joni Mitchell’s Big Yellow Taxi ‘you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone‘. There are rules, even ones that you’ve made yourself. But rules should be broken sometimes, or at least altered.

Wisdom always points you in the right direction. Schwartz’s take away sound bite: “the good news is you don’t need to be brilliant to be wise. The bad news is that without wisdom, brilliance isn’t enough.”

I could put together a check list. In fact, you could put together a check list. But, seriously, that’s like the whole No Child Left Behind debacle. It assures mediocrity (to paraphrase Schwartz on rules and incentives). It stops people from actually thinking for themselves and it’s the thinking, the listening, the weighing of right and wrong that leads to wisdom.

So teach that: thinking, listening, weighing of right and wrong. You’ll be golden. And so will your kids.

Previous Character Lessons: Love of Learning, Bravery, Open Mindedness, Curiosity, Creativity, Patience, Humor, Hope, Love, Gratitude, Zest, Social Intelligence, Self Control, Grit

photo credit: Modern Home Modern Baby

We’d play until someone noticed that it was too dim to see much and the lights were blinking on all over the neighborhood. At that point it was a mad scramble to get in your house before your mom noticed it was dark.

Red Rover was a favorite back then and it provides just as much fun, exercise, and entertainment now! It is a great way to use up the last bit of energy before bed.

You’ll need at least six people, but it’s better if you have more.

How to Play

1. Choose two captains – one for each team.
2. Divide everyone up into two equal teams.
3. Each team forms a line, holds hands, and faces the other team – keep the lines about 20 to 30 feet apart.
4. The captain of the first team calls one player from the other team by saying, “Red Rover, Red Rover, send (player’s name) on over!”
5. The person called has to leave his team and run to the other team, attempting to break the other teams’ chain.
6. If the player doesn’t break the chain he has to become part of the other team.
7. If he does break the chain he can “capture” one of the players whose link was broken and take them back to his team where they become part of that team.
8. Teams take turns calling players from the opposing team until all of the players are on one side.

As with all games that involve physical interaction, you should be careful. Try to have the players all in the same age group and similar weights and sizes. If a large person breaks through the chain with too much force, obviously someone could get hurt. Remember, these games are supposed to be fun!

photo credit: Lauren Lank

Call it a “girls will be girls” thing or “right of passage” – I call it bullying and I think that Finding Kind is a breath of fresh air. What a fantastic way to open the doors of communication for our daughters. I have three and I’m a woman who remembers what it was like to be young and in the path of mean girls.

I also know what it’s like to see and be around mean women, because mean girls can grow up to be mean women. So this campaign is a fantastic opportunity to work with our daughters to engage in change and perhaps we can be the change we want to see.

The girls from the documentary are now seeing their idea through to fruition and are hosting Kind Campaign Assemblies at schools around the nation. They are engaging in open conversations with girls in those schools. Exercises are conducted during the assemblies which involve the girls becoming accountable for their actions.

One example, given in a news report, shared that the girls were asked to write an apology to someone in the room along with something kind and it was an activity that really resonated with many in attendance. It was clear through the various interviews that the activities had the potential to lead to social changes within those schools.

The premise behind Finding Kind is fantastic and it really has a wonderful message and the potential for great growth for all who participate in the assemblies and view the documentary.

If you can’t bring an assembly to your area, consider hosting a movie screening. Movie screenings are being hosted privately around the nation where schools and families are taking a proactive approach to solving this well known, yet swept under the rug “mean girl” trend. They are using the viewing of this film as a catalyst for discussion, and it’s a consideration for all who are looking to help their daughters be the best versions of themselves.

I find it very encouraging to see so many documentaries focusing on the bullying epidemic that is occurring with our children. We simply shouldn’t have children feeling so hopeless that they are willing to harm themselves. Period.

By bringing to light what is happening in our schools and neighborhoods, rather than pretending it’s not happening, we have the potential for real change. By holding our children accountable, providing them with real tools for change as well as advocating for that change – we will see a difference, I am confident of that.

Interested in knowing more?

Watch the Trailer

Head to the Finding Kind Website

Would you take your daughters to a screening of Finding Kind?

image credit: Kind Campaign

In recent years, more and more celebrities are coming out and discussing their battles with this sometimes debilitating disease. Courtney Cox, Amanda Peet and Brooke Shields – all of which have experienced varying levels of PPD following the birth of their children have all opened up about postpartum depression and it’s paralyzing affects.

Gwyneth Paltrow sat down recently with Amanda de Cadanet for a new Lifetime series The Conversations with Amanda de Cadanet to discuss her battle with postpartum depression – a fact not unknown to the general public since releasing the news as a part of her GOOP newsletter back in 2010.

During the conversation, Gwyneth shared that she felt very disconnected from everyone following the birth of her son Moses in in 2006. ”I just didn’t know what was wrong with me. I couldn’t figure it out. It never occurred to me,” remarked Paltrow, when discussing her realization that she might be dealing with postpartum depression. It was her husband, Chris Martin, who brought it to her attention that it might, in fact, be PPD.

When when she looked up the symptoms of the condition (see below), she realized that it was in fact the condition she was dealing with. “I couldn’t connect with my son the way that I had with my daughter and I couldn’t understand why. I couldn’t connect to anyone. I felt like a zombie. I felt very detached.”

What I found most encouraging about this interview was what she had to say regarding the stigma and the judgement attached to things like postpartum depression and motherhood in general:

“We think that it makes us bad mothers or we didn’t do it right, but it’s like, we’re all in this together,” Paltrow said. “I never understand why mothers judge other mothers, like, ‘What do you mean you didn’t breastfeed? What do you mean you didn’t do this?’ It’s like, ‘Can’t we all just be on each other’s side?’ It’s so hard anyway. Can’t we all help each other get through it?”

I am so encouraged that celebrities are using their voices to open the discussion on important topics such as these. This, my friends, is what we should focus on when we hear and see friends going through the months following the birth’s of their children because it is not an easy time. We know when they are struggling – we see the signs – and when we do, we should offer them an olive branch, not a bunch of judgement.

Do not make it harder on them by making them feel bad about not choosing to breastfeed or for struggling to make it through the day with their newborn. Offer to babysit while they take a shower and have some time to themselves.

Offer them a listening ear and let them know that the parenting path they take is ok because it’s the right one for them. Make them feel normal for feeling overwhelmed at times. Perfection in parenting is not reality and we need to allow mothers the comfort of knowing, living and finding peace with that. Sometimes, it’s ok to be good enough.

Additionally, if you or a friend is experiencing what you think is PPD, work together to get help. Below are the signs and symptoms of this sometimes debilitating condition – it should not be ignored. PPD often requires therapy and medical intervention to remedy, along with emotional support from family and friends.

The signs and symptoms of postpartum depression according to the Mayo Clinic website:

Postpartum depression symptoms
Postpartum depression may appear to be the baby blues at first — but the signs and symptoms are more intense and longer lasting, eventually interfering with your ability to care for your baby and handle other daily tasks. Postpartum depression symptoms may include:

• Loss of appetite
• Insomnia
• Intense irritability and anger
• Overwhelming fatigue
• Loss of interest in sex
• Lack of joy in life
• Feelings of shame, guilt or inadequacy
• Severe mood swing
• Difficulty bonding with the baby
• Withdrawal from family and friends
• Thoughts of harming yourself or the baby

Untreated, postpartum depression may last for a year or more.

If you or someone you love is showing active signs of PPD, please be proactive in pursuing help so all involved can work towards getting back to a sense of happiness and normalcy sooner rather than later. This isn’t a journey that should be taken alone.

Photo: PR Photos

Quote Source: OTRC

Every day, through programs nationwide, Boys Town reaches out to help those who are most in need. We lift them up, heal their wounds and put them on the path to a brighter future.

Boys Town has been saving children and healing families for more than 90 years for two reasons:

• We have an unwavering belief in the inherent potential that exists in each child, no matter what their circumstances.
• We have the skill and knowledge to develop youth and family services that provide lasting, life-changing results.

Source: BoysTown.org

Parenting.org is a sister site of Boys Town – its a parenting resource for all that provides fantastic and comprehensive information for parenting.
What’s Great About This Site:

It offers coverage of topics that are taboo as well as common. It covers issues that are relatable to the birth, foster or adoptive parent. It meets the needs of all.

The Parenting Guides provide information on a variety of topics. And It doesn’t matter how many children you have, they each come with their own challenges and with that in mind, additional strategies for how to handle those challenges are always helpful. Below you can see some of the guides they offer on Parenting.org.

There are also guides on relationships and dating, potty training, communicating with teens, and harmful behaviors

In addition to the guides, they have an expert who is a licensed psychologist that answers questions from parents who submit them on the site, which cover the following topics:

• Parenting Skills
• Understanding Behavior
• Discipline
• Child Development
• School
• Social Skills
• Connecting with Kids
• Pediatric Health

What is great about this is, the topics are relevant to many families and therefore the answers provided can offer a potential solution to a larger audience, not just the person submitting the question.

If you’re looking for an additional parenting resource with sound advice -Parenting.org is one to add into your bookmarked pages.

image credit: Parenting.org

At one time, kids were once able to escape bullies at school or on the bus for the comfort of their homes, but they are now exposed to technology that connects them to their bullies 24 hours a day. They can no longer get away if the bully chooses to make it their mission to hound them day in and day out.

Bullying is such a frustrating issue in our schools and neighborhoods, and with cyber-bullying being added into that mix it makes it so much more intense for the kids who are being bullied, because it allows the bullies to become that much more powerful in their pursuit of control.

I can’t imagine as a parent how I’m going to feel if my daughters, who are now just a bit too young to experience this level of bullying, ever go through this. Let alone how they will feel and how we will navigate the experience together.

My first instinct is to just run from it and pull them out of school. When I hear of administrators and teachers being passive, it infuriates me. I am a teacher. I worked in the public school systems for years and I know that there are some things we have control over and there are ways we can intervene.

I also know that we can’t be present for each and every encounter. I also know that there are some teachers and employees who choose to be ignorant to it all and who take the “kids will be kids” mantra. It’s an imperfect scenario with no clear cut answer.

The truth is, it will take a village to solve this problem. It will take the efforts of all.

The truth is,  it is escalating and with Facebook and Twitter and texting, our kids have access to one another 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It is our responsibility as parents to be on top of them.

We cannot put this solely on the teachers and bus drivers and counselors. It is our responsibility, too. It is our responsibility at a young age to teach them how to respect and honor the feelings of one another. It is our responsibility to teach them how to speak up for themselves and how to communicate to an individual who is being cross with them. It is our responsibility to make them feel safe so they will come to us when they are feeling like they aren’t being heard at school, so we can advocate on their behalf when teachers and administrators may be failing them.

If we choose to turn a blind eye, if we choose to let our children make bad choices and hurt one another, if we choose to not watch over their day-to-day activities online and otherwise – we may be missing key signs that they are being bullied or we may be missing key signs that they are in fact the bully themselves! Yes, that too, is possible.

Be mindful. Use this movie, as your kids are of the right age, as a teachable moment – as a conversation starter so they can develop a sense of empathy and understanding for others.

Empower your kids to stand up for others and for themselves as best as they can. Advocate for your kids AND hold your kids accountable if they hurt someone else. It’s our responsibility to guide them through this time and use movies like Bully to help us teach them how to be someone who lifts others up rather than bringing them down.

Images: Bully Project

Here are some tips to make it all work, so you can leave with your sanity still intact:

Set the Stage for Behavior 

Before you enter the restaurant, set the stage for good behavior with your kids. For those who are old enough to understand specific directions and expectations, a quick reminder as to proper behavior in a restaurant setting is always a good idea.

Be clear as to noise level when talking, what you expect them to do if they want to get out of their seats, how they should address a waiter or waitress (please and thank you should be included in there somewhere) and that you expect they will eat what they order.

This is especially important if your child happens to have a friend along. It’s easy for your child to forget when they are in the midst of kid shenanigans what your expectations are – additionally, it’s a good opportunity for you to let the friend know what your family expects when out to eat so the boundaries are set out the gate.

Be an Early Bird

It pays off to be at the restaurant early when they have first seating for dinner. It will allow for you to be one of the first families seated, you will be hitting your child’s dinner hour right away so their patience will be at it’s best and you are likely to get food promptly due to the light load in the kitchen.

While it would be nice to linger over a meal, we all know that dinner with kids isn’t like date night without them in tow, so following the above early bird suggestions is wise.

As soon as you are seated consider ordering for your littlest family members food first. Additionally,  if it’s a place where they have a standard bread basket or chips and salsa option – be certain to have that on the table to appease your little one who may not be able to communicate so well that they are hungry.

Bringing standard snacks is another good idea to help hold off hungry tummies. Impatient toddlers often do not understand that it will only be a couple of more minutes before they’ll have their food ready from the kitchen in the back, so having something to offer them is wise – worse case scenario you’re taking home some leftovers because they ate those snacks but you avoided a meltdown, which is a bigger win in this mama’s book!

Bring Entertainment

• Crayons and Paper – I have sets of these in each and every bag that I carry. Am I the only mom that has several different bags depending on the length of time I’ll be out of the house?
• Wikki Stix are sicks that are bendable, adhere to smooth surfaces and come with pattern cards for creating different designs and shapes for endless creative play.
• Books

Choose a Kid-friendly location

• Buffets are a great way to allow for independent choice as well as the ability to eat immediately when you have kids that, for one reason or another, may need to eat right away.

• Outdoor seating allows for a more relaxed approach to noise. If the weather is seasonable or you are fortunate to live in a place where the weather is nice year around, choose a place where you can eat outdoors to offset and unforeseen circumstances that may come up.

Image: Flickr bowler1996p

Basically, think of the worst shopping experience you have with your kids – which, incidentally for me, is most times when I shop with my girls. They are 2 and 4 and love to play hide and seek under the clothes racks. They think it’s especially hysterical to have me ‘chase’ them through the store, using my whisper yell for them to ‘come here!’

Now, cast that vision aside and NEVER have to endure it again. Oh, hell yeah!

OK, back to the beginning. What is Wittlebee? It’s a shopping service where you receive a customized box of children’s basics each month for $40. Stylists have chosen adorable clothes that are still wearable for girls and boys. Wittlebee specializes in infants to 5 years old (too bad they don’t specialize in the 40 year old mom category, too!) but I hear they are thinking about expanding their stock up to 12 years of age. The clothes are logo free which, for some people isn’t a big sell but for others, it’s a huge selling point.

I hate logos. I hate them for myself but I detest them for my daughters. It smacks of big corporation manipulation to me. How did one mom put it, the Princess Industrial Complex? So true. I don’t want my child to be the next walking billboard for Ariel, Thomas or Yo Gaba Gaba either. Those characters get enough screen time.

Yes, this makes me a fuddy-duddy. And I’ll freely admit that having a Cinderella t-shirt might just make getting dressed in the morning a little less fraught. But still. A well placed tutu and pink tights more than makes up for it in our house.

Wittlebee’s website couldn’t be easier to use. You sign up, tell them what colors you like and if your child is a “diva” (yes!) and if their dressing style is “total chaos” (also, yes!). Those were just my answers. You can choose between preppy, happy, troublemaker, whatever is clean – they just need to know how to properly customize.

At first, I thought that $40 a month was a lot for clothes and it is. Here’s how I rationalize it: no driving, no parking hassles, no in-store dramas, no decision making about what is and is not appropriate for wearing. See, my daughter is an expert fashion lawyer trapped in a 4 year old’s body, so the ‘discussions’ we have exhaust me.

I have 2 girls, like I said they are 2 and 4, so I’m not certain I can swing $80 for a box for both. I’ll have to think on how to navigate that one. But let me tell you, I’m tempted. Just for the lack of drama alone I’d fork over $80 a month.

Of course, my older daughter might have come up with a solution. See her up there at the top of the post squeezing herself into the 3T clothes? I got a size bigger than my 2 year old needs and, as luck and determination would have it, the clothes fit both girls. Almost.

I know, I could shop without my two baby rascals, but honestly, who has time? There is only so much I can pack into the few hours I have to myself while they are at school. Shopping is not where I want to spend my time. I’d love to defer to experts. Maybe that makes me weird, but I suspect I’m not alone.

So, Mama’s (and Papa’s who reaaaalllly want to impress the Mama’s in the family with a recurring monthly ‘let me make your job easier’ present…Mother’s Day IS right around the corner ya know) get on over to Wittlebee and check it out.

Put it this way, you’ll be shopping anyway – your kids will grow! – why not make it easy on yourself. I just signed up for a monthly box even though the folks at Wittlebee sent me a box to review. It worked. Like crack. In case you need a little generous incentive yourself, those lovely souls at Wittlebee would like to offer you a discount. Until June 1st, get $10 off your first order with this coupon code: MHMB.

So let your fingers do the shopping!

photo credit: Modern Home Modern Baby and Whittlebee

I was going to tell you how a love of learning is a life long endeavor, a way to ensure continued passionate endeavors.

I was going to tell you how our educational system is so broken that it favors rote memorization over actual learning. Learning (!), as in, to be educated! Urgh.

Only I sounded like a know-it-all to my own ears. A little preachy. So I thought I’d settle with a story and a few quotes to make my point because there are people out there who know better than me.

My story…I remember, so distinctly, getting an algebra test back in high school and being called up to the front of the class. My teacher pointed to my test and asked me where I got my answer.

I was mortified, being called up like that…so I sheepishly explained how the X and the Y worked together to divide into the Z, or something like that. She simply stared at me. Accusing. She was convinced I cheated. She sent me to the principle’s office.

Only she couldn’t figure out how I did it. Apparently, I figured out a way to answer the equation differently than she had taught. I got the right answer, but she wasn’t happy about it. And at that point, neither was I.

It’s all my dad’s fault, really. See, I’d ask him for help with my algebra homework, much to his delight. Smarty pants! Only, he’d never tell me the answers. He’d sit there with me as long as it would take and make me figure it out. Algebra is like a puzzle, he’d say, and you just have to find the corner pieces; then it will all fit together.

He neglected to warn me about paving my own way when it came to certain authority figures. Turns out a love of learning can be threatening. Threatening because it has nothing to do with intelligence.

Steve Jobs said of his elementary school, “I encountered authority of a different kind then I had ever encountered before, and I did not like it. And they really almost got me. They came close to really beating any curiosity out of me”

Deborah Stipek and Kathy Seal, who incidentally wrote a book on teaching a love of learning, say that young children are wired to learn, to be curious, to explore. All we need to do is keep those embers burning. Unfortunately, a child’s love of learning steadily declines from 3rd to 9th grade.

John Dewey, philosopher of early childhood education extraordinaire, created an environment where children could experience, engage, think and reflect. His approach was to provide context and conditions where the individual could develop understanding. He didn’t say a thing about test scores (though to be certain, we didn’t endeavor to measure outcomes back when he was philosophizing).

To wit, learning is the process, not the product. It’s not about finding the right answers, but the right questions. And, while it leads to an intelligent mind, the mind doesn’t have to have a fixed intelligence. In fact, the mind doesn’t have a fixed intelligence. A mind can continually learn. Hence the whole ‘life long learning’ thing.

So, what does this mean for you and how do you instill a love of learning in your child?

1. Reward concentration, not the outcome. In fact, try not to interrupt your kiddo when you can tell they are full bodied concentrating.

2. Give positive reinforcement, but sparingly. You’ve heard of the inverse power of praise? Well, it basically means that you can turn your kid into a praise junkie, looking more for the praise than the effort it took to get the praise. Praise the effort. A little bit.

3. Promote independence. How many times have you heard, “I do it MY-self” from your toddler. Back off and let them explore the world, their world, albeit one you’ve created for them with boundaries and safety measures.

4. Promote interdependence. If your kid doesn’t know the answer to something, help them find out where and to whom to ask the right questions. You are not an island of knowledge, and neither is your kid. Go to the library. Conduct an experiment. Consult Mother Nature.

5. Repeat. If at first you don’t succeed, try try again. I don’t know the origin of that statement, but it’s the essence of love of learning. Abraham Lincoln suffered over a half-dozen election defeats as well as had a major breakdown before he was elected President. But he became President. Essentially, don’t be afraid of failure because you will fail. And then you won’t.

6. Learn yourself. Be a learner. Walk the walk, don’t just talk the talk. Ask questions. Research answers. Again, you are not an island.

If I could leave you with one impression, though, one takeaway from this Teaching Character post, it’d be this: learning does not equal smarts. A smart kid can memorize all the state capitals, but that doesn’t mean he’s learned a thing about them. In fact, chances are, after the state capital test, he’s gonna forget them. I know I did.

Previous Character Lessons: Bravery, Open Mindedness, Curiosity, Creativity, Patience, Humor, Hope, Love, Gratitude, Zest, Social Intelligence, Self Control, Grit

photo credit: andrechinn

I suppose adding my opinion to the mix won’t really matter here – it seems like people are appropriately up in arms about this diet, about the doctor who is promoting it and about the women who are on it.

Oh, and about the society we live in that might give rise to such behavior. I support any and everyone who thinks this goes way beyond drastic and thinks that it is a wildly bad idea.

As a recap, if you haven’t heard, the feeding tube diet involves an 800 calorie a day protein powder mixture that you carry in a purse over your shoulder and ingest via a feeding tube that is threaded through your nose down through esophagus and into your stomach.

Only, why is this the thing that seems unreasonable? Yes, it’s shocking, but what about everything that came before? As if injecting a known toxin into your face or sucking your own fat out of your ass surgically (only to have it re-injected into your lips) is not a shocker. As one commenter on Dave Berry’s column You May Now Remove the Bride’s Feeding Tube said, common sense is not so common.

Here’s my thing: as a mom to two young daughters, how do we stop this body issue epidemic? It’s not about the big bad media. It’s not even about the princess industrial complex and their hourglass figured, happily every after BS campaign.

It’s about being hungry. And no, not in a nutritional way. It’s about being hungry for love. Love of our inner selves just as we are.

I have a friend who recently told me that we fill ourselves when we are not fulfilled. She’s right, only I’d add that we yearn to escape so we medicate. Medicate with traditional meds but also with beer and banana nut muffins, endless tweets and sweets.

We are so connected right now we are disconnected.

Fragmented.

Trying to piece together the perfect parts of ourselves in an identity collage, ignoring the jagged lines and glue splotches that make us real, living people incapable of being perfect. What these doctors should be doing is treating the patient – the unhappy person – not the symptom of the cellulite or jiggly tummy.

If only these women on this diet could remember this: brides are beautiful on their wedding days because they cast off embers of happiness. Their happy fires are burning too bright to contain. Grooms, too. That’s beautiful. It’s all that love floating around in the air, all that possibility. Not the body. Not the dress.

So while my daughters have a long long long long time before considering being a bride, I think my work is now. They couldn’t be happier with their little bodies, and rightly so!, and I want to help keep it that way.

I caught myself asking my husband if a dress I had made me look fat the other night. I turned around to see two little eyes looking at me with such love. For a second I imagined her asking me if she looked fat in a dress and I was appalled at the thought.

What do we – as moms, parents, sisters, brothers, dads, best friends, daughters, sons – what do we have to do to nurture ourselves to feel fulfilled enough to not fill ourselves? To then diet all that unfulfillment off?

Take a walk in nature, read the paper, do yoga, breathe. What works to get in touch with yourself? For me, it’s music. Every time I listen to music I feel fine.

So that’s my take away from this whole feeding tube diet craze. What can I, my own little self in my own little world, do to combat this craziness? Learn to accept who I am: the shape of my body and the curls of my hair, my boney feet and knobby knees.

I am who I am.

That’s what I want my daughters to be armed with as they venture out into the unbalanced world out there. That’s what I want them to remember about me. That’s what I want them to remember about themselves.

photo credit: francisco_osorio

1.  Participate in Preparations

Depending on the age you started letting your little chef into the kitchen, that will determine exactly when they are ready for different aspects of the preparations. Additionally, each child matures, listens and follows directions in a different way. It’s up to you to decide what they’re ready for.

Where one child might lack impulse control and precision, another might be ready to tackle the task – use your best judgement and allow them to gradually take on more and more responsibility for the steps within the recipes.

2. Make Lunches

From the time the child begins school throughout the span of their high school years, they can be participating in the lunch making evolution. Whether they are fetching fruit snacks out of pantry or making the entire lunch themselves, they are capable of participating in some capacity.

This is not to say that there isn’t oversight necessary. Case in point, a friend of ours was letting her child pack their own lunch without much oversight. The dad decided one day to join their daughter for lunch at school only to find that she had packed several bags of chips as her lunch and nothing else. So, hang around as they pack their lunch and talk about what should go into their bags.

Additionally, you can work on the packing of your own lunch alongside them if you work outside of the home. This can work as a modeling tool to show solid nutrition and quality eating habits.

3. Load the Dishwasher

This is an activity in the kitchen that will require growth over time and oversight, but it’s one that many elementary age kids can join in on. They can rinse plates and hand them to you as you pack the dishwasher or vice versa.

Handling of certain delicate dishes or knives should be done by the parent until you feel confident they are responsible enough to avoid breakage or harm, but otherwise, this is a responsibility they can grow into and do with you as you converse over the happenings of the day.

4. Set and Watch Timers

A lesson in math and time can be implemented by having your child act as timer for the cooking process. This can be one of several jobs they take in the kitchen during the act of preparing a meal.

You can use it as a teachable moment where you discuss the number of seconds within a minute, minutes within an hour, etc. You can also teach them how to work the oven and microwave timers and controls if you feel they are responsible enough to learn those things.

5. Put Away and Set Up Serving Dishes

Clean dishes can be put away and dinner tables can be set by your elementary school age child. They will be glad to set the table for the family and prepare it for a meal together. Use the opportunity to teach them proper etiquette for table setting – a past time that is fast being lost.

Additional Quick Tips:

• Gather materials together in advance of cooking time.
• Communicate ahead of time which tools and equipment they should be using.
• Set expectations at the beginning.
• Make tasks short and sweet due to short attention spans.
• Involve children in the clean up as you go along to prevent mess as well as injury due to mess.

How do you involve your kids in the kitchen? 

Image: Theodore W. Lee

Quick Tips Source: Everyday Food Storage

Some of them are referred to as “Hooter Hiders,” while others just plain nursing covers – but whatever they are called, they allow for you to have the freedom to move about town and nurse your baby as needed while accomplishing the day’s tasks – which wasn’t always the case.

We’ve rounded up a few of these chic “hooter hiders” so you can decide which is best for your needs, so having a baby doesn’t result in you living out your days as a hermit while you tend to their breastfeeding needs.

Thankfully, in recent years a few fantastic companies have developed nursing covers that allow you to do just that, without resulting in you giving up your modesty. In addition to that, they’ve made them aesthetically pleasing, so you can look chic while filling the tummy of your little bundle of joy.

You’re welcome.

Bebe Au Lait is the company in the feature photo above and they have a patented Rigiflex neckline that allows for you to see your baby and baby to see you while you nurse. They have a variety of patterns (as seen below) that are fashionable and appealing to any mom’s taste, so you can feel comfortable while out and about nursing your child in public.

Itzy Ritzy covers are eco-friendly nursing covers made with the green mom in mind. They come with a bone-in rigid neckline so you can see baby. The covers are all fully lined and the patterns have a modern feel. All covers are made in the United States.

The Peanut Shell covers, like the others, have the bone-in neckline which help you see baby. They offer a 97% cotton and 3% spandex material making the covers very soft to the touch. There are varied designs, colors, patterns, neutrals as well as bolds.

These are only three of many chic breastfeeding cover companies that offer a discreet way to be out in public while meeting the nourishment needs of your little one so you don’t have to be a hermit – just pick up a beautiful “hooter hider” of choice to allow for some modesty while you “do whatcha gotta do.”

Main Image: Bebe Au Lait ; all additional images from their respective vendor sites as linked above.

Sometimes I think I’m raising children who are characters. I mean, what with all the crying and hurling onto the floor. Granted, I’ve got preschool age children, so a bit of dramatic flailing and hurling about is par for the course – but it was one particular tantrum sparked by the wind blowing hair across my 4 year old’s face that I thought: grit. This girl needs some grit!

But how to teach grit?

When I read about a school in New York City that is incorporating character lessons into the curriculum in inventive ways, I knew I needed to understand a little more about teaching character to children. Specifically, my children.

It’s safe to say that most parents want to raise kids to have a successful life. Now, everyone defines successful in different ways but I’d venture to say a common thread of success is high achievement and high satisfaction in (fill in the blank).

Now, what if you could predict success? That’d be pretty cool, huh?

Working with researchers, top administrators at the NYC school narrowed down a handful of character traits (strengths, if you will) that actually work as decent predictors of whether or not their students enrolled in – and finished! – college. That was their definition of success for the students.

Wanna know what those strengths are? Zest, grit (!), self-control, social intelligence, gratitude, optimism and curiosity.

Not intelligence. Not grade point average.

It didn’t matter their smarts as much as putting those smarts to use.

Only these types of performance characteristics don’t fully embody character. They address only one side; there is a moral component as well…as in being a good person. Ethics. That’s a little more squishy to define.

Things like love, kindness, appreciation of beauty, spirituality – these reside in the moral compass zone of character traits. Yet equally important to imbue in little minds.

As a parent of two vastly different little girls – girls who seem to come fully equipped with many of these character traits while at the same time completely in need of, shall we say, guidance in other areas – I think it’s immensely helpful to break down these certain strengths and figure out how to approach them in every day, common sense ways.

Also, as a mom, paying attention to my own strengths and how I model those teaches me about staying connected with how I’m doing personally as a mom and a woman.

Unfortunately, in our hectic lives, we can check out emotionally. Go on auto pilot. We either tend to the big dust ups and ignore (or electronically lobotomize) the rest. Not only in ourselves but in our children, too. Stopping to consider how nature focuses the mind or teaches perseverance makes you stop. And consider. And focus.

So far, I’ve covered 12 out of the list of 24 character strengths as outlined in the New York Times article, which is as good as a resource as any on character. There is, of course, an 800+ page tome on the subject, which I’m slowly getting through…but that’ll take me a while. In the meantime…

Also, I wanted to share a few great comments we’ve been getting on this series!

Mommy with a Selective Memory on curiosity: This is so true! It is so important to really listen to the question instead of just murmuring mmm hmmm….I just came across this wonderful quote from Eleanor Roosevelt the other day and it fits perfectly:
I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift should be curiosity.

Sonia’s Goodie Bags on love: My husband and I are fairly good at modeling love for our children….but, I do wonder if that “love” word isn’t used too often nowadays. Of course, I don’t mean within a family or with good friends. I’m referring to casual friends, especially within Social Media as in FB posts etc….. Anyone else think so, too?

Busy kids=happy mom on humor: We absolutely love jokes! I put a joke daily into my kid’s lunch. When they were learning how to read, everyone would pass them around the lunch table. So much fun. Laughter is good medicine!

Kristen’s Cute Beltz on patience: I have become more patient since I have been a mom, but I have a long way to go! I think it is taught by example and I’m not the best example, but I’m working on it. Painting and gardening, great ideas to teach patience will test it out! Let you know what happens.

Emily (CityBabyLiving.com) on creativity: Boredom…it’s a 4 letter word around my house. My 4.5 yo daughter can’t stand to be bored and I’m her #1 person to ask for entertainment help. I try my best to suggest a few things and step back. She eventually gets into something and I love to watch her work out relationships with her doll house or make an entire page of sticker art. When it comes to creating art, she has a drawer that she can do anything with – the messier (within reason) the better.

How about you? Do you think about teaching character or is character something that materializes out of living life?

photo credit: Alex Portes Design