We have the most wonderful nanny who comes one day a week and, if my daughter and I could have our way, we’d have her ALL DAY EVERY DAY! Not that I want to outsource all of my mothering duties (though, to be fair, some days I want to do exactly that).
It’s just that she’s so good at keeping my child and my house calm, clean and happy. I’d say we have an excellent relationship and the communication is very clear between us, but then again, I’m filled with appreciation for everything she does so what could go wrong?
Apparently a lot. I was reading in the New York Times that many mothers have issues with their nanny – either the nanny doesn’t do something they should (in the mom’s eyes) or does something they shouldn’t. Even the most successful of moms have trouble clearly communicating their needs and wants to a woman (or man) who is taking on the role of mother, even if it’s just for a short period of time.
Guilt leads the pack as to why moms don’t feel comfortable “bossing” the nanny around. How can they ask a nanny to do things that the mom, herself, won’t do? Guilt always gets in the way, don’t you think?
The other reason mom’s don’t speak up? They are afraid that the nanny might take out her anger at the mom on the kids. Ouch.
Instead of quietly (or not so quietly) seething over some transgression (real or perceived), the advice of the experts is easy: communicate. If you need to write something down to have it be the clearest way to get the message across, then write it. Make a contract with a job description. Whatever it takes to get your needs across is what you must do to avoid confusion.
Don’t get caught up in the rationalization that the nanny surely should know how you want things done because she can see with her own eyes how you fold the laundry or put the dishes away or cook the mac & cheese with extra cheese. Treat it just like an employee/employer situation and you’ll sail right through.
Easier said than done, though. I mean, I never ask my nanny do to the dishes but she does them. I absolutely don’t want her to stop so I thank her when she does them, but do I owe her extra? A bonus? Who knows??? I certainly don’t want to lose her so yeah, maybe I will throw a little something extra her way to say I REALLY REALLY appreciate the extra work she does.
But if I had written a job description in the beginning it would not have included dish washing, so I’d be S O L. I’m just saying…some things you still have to figure out for yourself.
photo credit: frerieke
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