After spending some time with my extended family (there were a lot of kids and a lot of parents), I’m wondering – is it ever OK to parent other people’s kids? Have you ever found yourself in a situation where another child was acting up either around your child or directly harming your child?
Picture this: your toddler is playing with an older kid and the older child starts to rough house with your tot, not hurting him but still it could get out of hand quickly. What do you do?
I watched this happen in my family. Here’s the gist. My sister scolded one of the cousins for taking a colored pencil away from another cousin (younger). The older kid then proceeded to make fun of the younger one’s drawing. Now, keep in mind that both kids are young and not little Michaelangelos, so the mocking was more spiteful than anything.
My sister stepped in and sternly explained that Suzie was drawing and to give her pencil back. Further, she reminded Jack that he was once Suzie’s age and that he, too, couldn’t hold a pencil when he was younger. In fact, ALL kids have to start somewhere and drawing was about practicing.
I was thoroughly impressed with my sister’s ability to diffuse the situation while still imposing some semblance of right from wrong, respect, and tolerance on both kids. In all, in my book, she did what I would want to do. If the cousin being scolded was my child (it wasn’t and I would tell you if it was) her lesson is what I would want my kid to take away from that situation.
But that’s just me. My sis got scolded herself from the parent of the scolded kid. Talk about no good deed going unpunished.
It got me to thinking, though. Was it a indeed a good deed? You tell me. Maybe she was just a “buttinski” and she should have let the children work it out. I mean, nothing was hurtful other than words. Is it right to step in when you see a situation that could get out of hand?
photo credit: ♥Rose_khansg♥
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Relating a similar situation.
I was at the airport with my one-year-old a few weeks back. SeaTac has a large play area. I put Emma down out of the way of the other kids, near some fun mirrors on the wall.
After a few minutes a girl a few months older than her (fully walking) came over and pushed Emma down from standing, then pusher her again, THEN pulled her hair. At this point I stood up, walked over, and in a firm voice told her “NO. If your parent won’t tell you no, I will.” She ran off and left Emma alone.
Mom eventually came over and asked ‘what was she doing’. I explained that she pushed Emma over and pulled her hair. Her response? “Well, I couldn’t see her, I just heard someone yelling at MY child.”
Yeah. It was all my fault that you didn’t have your bully child in sight and she bullied my child and I corrected her.
Uh huh.
If another child is doing something wrong that interferes with my child, I will ‘parent’ them. If it’s not affecting my child, then, generally I’ll leave be (to me it’s up to whoever’s child they ARE interfering with to step in), unless it’s something that actually truly endangers that other child (playing with sharp objects, etc.).
It’s a sticky wicket, isn’t it! I’m glad yo stepped in and said something. While I’m not a fan of helicopter parenting, I believe looking out for your kid is one of a parent’s myriad responsibilities. And, keeping a bully away from a 1 year old is being responsible. You go girl!
I step in if I feel like I need to, and explain to the parent whether they were there or not, that I hope I have not overstepped, but this is what happened, and this is what I said. I wouldn’t tell them anything that I wouldn’t tell my own children. And when the child is behaving inappropriately toward one of my own children, I remind the child, that I would never allow my children to treat them in this way.
When someone steps in and parents my children, I want to know about it. I may or may not agree, but I have never told them to mind their own business, because, especially with friends and family raising their kids in a “community” they obviously felt it was their business. I will, however discuss the situation with my child, and talk about whether or not their behavior was appropriate, and why it bothered the other parent (usually my mother).