I have been writing about my trials and tribulations with breast feeding after a breast reduction. One of the biggest trials has been dealing with post-partum depression after breast reduction surgery.
Now to be clear, post-partum depression can hit any new mom, but the issues that mothers who have had a breast reduction are specific. For me, post-partum depression set in right about the time that all the frustrations of not being able to breast feed “normally” hit home. At least for me it did the first time around with my oldest child.
I remember lying down after pumping out less than 1/2 an ounce of milk thinking that if we were in the wild, my baby would starve to death. My baby would surely die.
I thought I was a terrible mother for cutting myself so long ago only to put my baby at risk 20 years after the surgery. For a good few hours, the tears wouldn’t stop flowing and I could barely gasp enough air in my lungs to fuel yet another bout of crying. But crying I did for a long long time. I felt like a complete failure.
The drops of milk sitting in the little bottle were simply mocking me, saying, yes, you make milk and you would have made plenty if you’d only sucked it up and not had surgery. Shame on you…And, from all the stories I’ve heard about post-partum depression after breast reduction surgery, my day of falling apart doesn’t even rank.
I’m still waiting for it to get me down this time around with my second child – which, I’m certain, will happen. The only question is when.
Post-partum depression (or even the tendency to beat one’s self up) is real and nasty. Some women have it worse than others. Like engorgement, there is only one way to deal with it and for me that’s to just go through it in hopes of getting on the other side. Coupled with the complications of breast feeding after a breast reduction and I’ve got a cocktail for some serious self loathing right when I DO NOT NEED IT.
So if you are battling with post-partum depression after breast reduction surgery, just know that you’re not alone and that it will pass.
photo credit: helgasms!
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