Tag: Best Parenting Tips

If you are planning on homeschooling your young elementary child and aren’t sure where to start, Five in a Row can be a great curriculum to consider.

The curriculum uses classic children’s storybooks like The Story of Ping, Katie and the Big Snow, and Make Way for Ducklings and bases lessons in English, geography, history, science, art, and other subjects on the story.

Children easily remember things that they are interested in. Think about the last time your five year old explained, in great detail, the plot of the last Pokeman cartoon that he saw. Five in a Row uses the same idea – entertainment for almost effortless learning.

You get a teacher’s guide with all of the activities for each story in it. You don’t have to do all of the activities – there are many to choose from. You don’t even have to do the stories in any particular order.

Once you have chosen a book you will read it to your child every day for a week, thus the Five in a Row. Each day you and your child will explore a different subject related to the story. You may learn about Paris when reading the Madeline story or find out about maps and how they are made when reading Katy and the Big Snow. Since you can get many of the story books at the library, the actual investment is usually not too bad.

I enjoyed this curriculum. There are four volumes in the basic program – enough to take care of four years of learning. You can even get supplemental guides to help you use the program with preschoolers or older children for those parents that are teaching a variety of grades.

One of the best parts of it for me was the feeling of having quality time with my children while we were reading. Cuddled up on the couch, while a steady rain fell outside the windows, we traveled to Paris, experimented with lemons and taste buds, and created a variety of descriptions using a personification technique. It was more than school – it was a time of making memories.

You can find out more about this curriculum at the Five in a Row website.

photo credit: IowaPolitics

At some point in my life I realized that, although I loved my big family, it was difficult to have quality time with my children as individuals. We tended to do things as a pack, whether it was getting ice cream or going to a museum.

While these events built camaraderie and memories among the kids it didn’t help me to get to know them, their hopes and dreams, fears and frustrations as individuals. I knew I wanted to change that. I knew I didn’t want kids that grew into teenagers that lived in a world so far from my own that I couldn’t even imagine it, let alone enter it.

It was at that point that I made a commitment to take one child per week out for at least an hour. I decided that, as funds allowed, I would use this time to introduce them to new cultures, experiences, and ideas. We would go to lunch, or to the park, or shop and I would leave much of the time in the control of the child.

We call it Mom and [child's name] day at our house. It happens every single week like clockwork unless there are extenuating circumstances, and those don’t happen often.

At this point in my life, I have five of my eight children at home. Each week I have a glorious block of time to get to know them as they grow and change. It isn’t a time to correct, discipline, or vent – at least for me. The child is free to say what they need to say and we can talk about whatever they want to.

Sometimes we go for fast food and sometimes we go for Thai. If funds are short, we may just get a drink and go to the park to sit and talk. Sometimes, especially with one of my kids in particular, we sit in companionable silence. It really isn’t about what’s said; it’s about what’s felt. Even the quiet builds intimacy between us.

It has been interesting to watch as my children grow and turn into teens (I have done the “teen” thing six times – only two more to go!) and still talk to me about anything you can imagine. Dating, sex, drugs, friends, fears, and physical concerns are the topic of conversation as often as favorite movies.

Because they are in the habit of speaking to me, there is no reason for them to pull away. Because I am in the habit of listening, there is no reason to worry that they are wrestling with something I don’t know about.

We know each other on a level that encourages communication.

If you have small children, now is the time to begin building those strong ties, but even if you have teenagers that are uncommunicative, it isn’t too late. The key, if there is one, is to listen more than you speak. Don’t use this precious time as anything other than a chance to get to know your child and allow them to know you.

It may take several outings before your child opens up to you and that is O.K.  Don’t push and don’t have an agenda. Keep it relaxed and fun.

I now have three grandchildren in addition to my children. Lately I have been kicking around the idea of having a bit of time with each of them. Perhaps it will be a little different, but I want to give my grandchildren the opportunity to know me as a person. Someday the memories we make will be all that they have and I want them to be good ones.

In this society where families text each other from across the room and communication is often very superficial, it is important to create a real bridge of communication with our children. It helps to ensure that they grow up knowing that they are treasured and accepted for who they are as individuals and that we, their parents, are imperfect humans that will always be in their court.

Discipline is an important part of parenting, but it must be balanced with communication and acceptance. When you spend one on one time with your child, it makes that balance much easier.

How do you get quality time with your kids?

photo credit: WalkingGeek

I’ve been hearing something on the playground a lot lately. I’m going to tell you about it, okay?

Many a parent abdicates authority right at the moment they are trying to assert it. With one word.

Okay?

Next time you are out, try listening for anybody using the word – over and over again – and see how ‘okay?’ undermines any sense of strength. Not just parents.

For me, I’m at the playground a lot and that’s where Read more…

A friend’s husband recently described his toddler as becoming a person, only louder. Boy did he have that right! How such decibels can fly out of their windpipes at a moment’s notice is beyond me.

The other night at dinner, my toddler and her friend were scampering down the hallway communicating with the dolphins. You remember that scene in Splash where Darryl Hannah tells Tom Hanks her real name after she gets legs? Glass shatters, random things explode. Well, that was my eardrum.

Ahh, the battle over inside voice vs. outside voice. Have you experienced this? It’s like, as soon as the wee ones discover that they can make sound, they embark on a quest to see just how loud they can be. My toes are curling just writing about the shrieking.

To combat this habit (admittedly a universal one) we’ve instituted the “inside voice” that, honestly, just seems to provoke my daughter. She’ll make a sound as if she’s going to wail and then she’ll just look at me, baiting me to tell her “inside voice” as if I can preempt her. Then she lets loose, and immediately stops. Talk about testing.

Anyway, I was wondering if there is any other option short of matching her decibels, which, while tempting, seems a little contradictory, don’t you think?

As I was driving yesterday, I heard a piece on National Public Radio about a guy who went searching for silence and for a split second Bruce Springsteen popped in to my mind. I started humming a lyric from The Boss’ Hungry Heart, “I went out for a drive and I never came back.” Yep, that’s what the shrieking makes me fantasize about.

photo credit: eBomb716

Now that summer is here, it just might be time to let loose and give you and your child room to misbehave. What??? Yes, misbehave. I’ll explain.

Be loud, break things, throw things, jump, yell, get exceedingly dirty. Feel free yet? OK, maybe a little childish, but that’s the idea. Especially for your child! Most times it’s just a complete pain in the ass to have your child do such things, isn’t it? But it’s actually good for them and good for you.

Think of it as a volcano venting. Let little burps of hot air out and maybe the eruption (you know it’s inevitable) will be less dramatic. Want some more good-bad behavior ideas?

Throw rocks into a stream, or, if you’re short on water, paste a bulls eye on your fence and have your kids do their best to hit the center. Turn on the hose and let them play and squirt and splash ALL THEY WANT. Play in the mud. Bake mud pies. Bake any pies (with anything in the kitchen). It doesn’t have to taste good to be fun.

Nothing like letting your kid see your inner kid, too. Kick a ball on the grass as hard as you possibly can. Watch TV – more than the allotted 1 hour. In fact, have dinner in front of the TV if this is something you never do…

In essence, break some rules that can be broken. Go ‘head with your bad self…

photo credit: dawnzy58

Do you adhere to the same boundaries that you set for your little one? I’m sure you don’t throw food, don’t hit your sister, and rarely talk back to your mother. Right? But I’m referring to things like talking with your mouth full, standing while eating, and interrupting people when they are talking.

My family is trying to tackle manners now, or rather, starting down the long road of proper etiquette. We’re starting small – simple things. Once those are mastered, then we’ll move on. Baby steps, or that’s what I keep telling myself. It’s time. Age two is about time to start learning how to remain seated while eating. Don’t you think?

This past weekend as I was cleaning the dishes after dinner, I took one last bite of mac and cheese out of the pot on the stove before I put the rest of the left overs away and cleaned the pot. Okay, two bites. I turned around and saw these two little eyes on me, watching me very carefully as I lifted the wooden spoon from the pot, put it in my mouth then BACK IN THE POT. I sorta sheepishly smiled, took that last bite, then kept cleaning up.

Then it hit me…I’d just finished telling my daughter that at dinner, we sit down while we eat and we eat off of a plate. That’s polite and that’s what we do.

Only my actions were telling her “not all the time.” And I realized – I’ve seen my mother do this same thing all the time. Face it mom, you do. You eat out of the pot after you’ve eaten dinner! It’s actually kinda cute because you eat like a bird and it makes me happy to see you shoving a wooden spoon in your face. But as I teach my daughters table manners (hell, any manners) I think I should model the behavior I want to see.

I mean, if we want to change our kids, we have to change ourselves, right? At least that is what I’ve heard.

Back to setting boundaries. As I think about boundary-setting I figure they have to jibe with what I’m willing to do (and what I can remember to do, too!) Here are the things that will have to change. I wish I didn’t do these things but I do :

1. Sit down while you eat (before and after dinner – including snacks. Just think, no more cheese and crackers scarfed down while preparing dinner either)
2. Eat off of a plate (this, I’m afraid, will be hard for me…see above reference to cheese and crackers)
3. Chew first, then speak
4. Take a breath in between bites (otherwise known as don’t shovel food in my mouth)
5. Listen, then speak (nooooo more interruptions)

I sound like a heathen! I’m not really. It’s just that when things get crazy around the house, I get rushed and my manners fly out the window. When I’m rushed, I get anxious. As a role model to two rapidly growing girls, I realize that I have to shape up.

So, here we go – boundary setting for Mom and Dad. Maybe our actions will speak louder than words. God, wouldn’t that be nice.

photo credit: makelessnoise

I’ve been reading this book, The Happiest Toddler on the Block by Harvey Karp, M.D., and it’s really changed my perspective on raising a toddler. I’ve been relying on instincts, as I’m sure many (if not most) parents do at one time or another and now I realize that my instincts were leading me astray.

Little things would set me off on a power struggle with my daughter and I (mistakenly) thought that I had to win the power to be a respected parent. Not necessarily the case, I’m finding. It is actually OK to let your little guy or girl win some of the time. For us, the little things are picking up toys, sitting in the chair, eating the food that is on her plate. My two year old has been asserting her own independence on these things (read: choosing to do the exact opposite of what I want her to do) and more. While I’m proud to be raising an independent child, it comes at a cost.

My usual reaction is to become more rigid, more inflexible the more I’m pushed. Defiance sets off a certain reaction in me. I interpret it as my daughter basically giving me the finger, saying, I’ll show you. But, honestly, she’s just pushing boundaries and that is her job. I keep reminding myself – it’s her job.

Back to my instincts being wrong. When Sophie says no to me after I repeatedly ask her to pick up her books (so that they don’t get destroyed – a reasonable request, I’d say), I get so frustrated I feel like I have to “make” her do it. My voice gets uber calm (because, inside I’m sooooo not calm) and I essentially try to intimidate her to do what I say. Or I resort to a time-out. URGH. When this happens over and over again, I become just the kind of parent I DON”T want to be.

What I’m learning is that my child responds quite negatively to this…as I think most kids do. I mean, who wants to be forced in to doing anything? TIme-outs do have their place and their usefulness, believe you me…but so do time-ins.

So, using some of the tools Dr. Karp suggests, I’ve noticed a change around here. Instead of our power struggle resulting in a time-out, I’m been working really hard to give my daughter time-in.

What is time-in? Well, just that, time with Mommy. One on one time without me doing 10 different other things. Dr. Karp also calls this “feeding the meter” and it works something like this. I spend time having an imaginary tea party with Sophie for say, half an hour (or some other activity she likes). To her, she’s getting her way, and getting the message that Mom values her.

The more she gets this message, the more cooperative she is. It doesn’t take that much effort, really, only a readjustment of priorities. Plus, the more time I spend “in” with her the less time she spends in time out. It can even be as easy as 5 minutes every hour.

Sounds simplistic and on the surface it is.

Now, to be fair, it doesn’t eliminate the need for time-outs or magically make a cooperative kid out of a challenging one, it’s just a tool that works. Plus, it feels better than yelling, screaming or getting so frustrated you need a break.

So, the moral of this story: if you find yourself giving more and more time outs, then stop for a second, think about how much time you’ve devoted to being with the little tyke and spend some time in. Let me know if you notice a difference.

photo credit: CarbonNYC

I was recently going through a stack of old magazines (they pile up and sit there for ages, don’t they?) and saw a great article in Parents Magazine from December of last year called The 50 Best Ever Tips for Moms. Talk about good stuff! Here are a few of the ones I think are gems:

1) Play with your children: well, duh! But, truly, it’s easy to forget to play when the dishes are piling up, the laundry needs doing and the house is, in general, a complete mess. Who has time to play? I find myself skipping important play time in favor of doing things, and not because I want to do whatever those things are but because I feel I should do them. You can “should” yourself to an early grave! Just let it go and play.

2) Set boundaries and stick to them: it’s not to be mean or unloving, in fact kids crave limits – it lets them feel safe within those limits to really explore.

3) Let your child be your child: if she wants to put her own clothes on, let her. If she wants to put her books away and not necessarily in the order you want, let her do it anyway. Giving her the freedom to have an acceptable amount of responsibility gives your child a good sense of self-esteem.

4) Always tell the truth: it’s what you want back from them, so model it.

5) Fess up when you blow it: if you have to apologize, apologize. It’ll not only teach them how and when to apologize themselves, but it shows respect and if you want respect back from your child, you’ll need to model that behavior.

And those are just 5 of the tips. I could go on and on! What strikes me about these tips is that they help a parent instill a sense of being a responsible, loving person in their child. It’s easy to shower a kid with love or even with lots of rules, but finding a combination of the two is challenging.

A very wise man once said, “if you want to change your children, change yourself.” Good to keep in mind even before you get to the having to change part…

photo credit: Robert Whitehead