I didn’t intend to become a short order cook, but somehow it happened. Dinner is served and my girls find reasons why they don’t like it and won’t eat it. Then I make something else. And something else. And something else. Do you know that one night they said “yuck” to me and I about lost it. That’s when I realized something had to change.

Certainly you’ve experienced this. I do hope I’m not alone in this struggle!

Then a few days later I walked into my daughter’s preschool for lunch and there she was, eating spinach. YES! Spinach. Not a “yuck” in sight. Oh, the positive affects of peer pressure! When I asked the teacher how she manages to get the kids all eating their veggies, here is what she said:

Children can eat their veggies* – spinach even! – if ‘framed’ in a way to make dinner successful. In fact, you can get your child to eat what is on her plate, without complaining, fussing, or fidgeting. Most especially and importantly, without a land grab for control.

How? Rhythm and clarity.

1. Have dinner at the same time every night. Ex. after bath, 6:00 p.m. (it matters less the exact time and more the concrete reference of ‘after bath’). Having a predictable dinner time allows their bodies to naturally regulate. They will start to be hungry at the same time each night, reinforcing your dinner rhythm.

2. Cook the food and fix the plate, don’t give options. Here is where your inner authority reigns. Dinner is what it is. Period. Giving options is like negotiating with terrorists. Once they see you bend, they will not stop. Children like sameness, so do not shy away from cooking the same thing over and over again. Adults like variety, children don’t. Rice every other night is fine. Rice every night is fine. For a while anyway. Also, be sure to give appropriate portions – a bite or two of new items, that’s it. More of what you know they like. But keep in mind that you want them to ask for more, so don’t overload their plate. The point here is to set them up for success: seeing an empty plate.

3. Have a “no thank you bite.” Even if they moan about not liking something, tell them to take one bite as a way to say no thank you. If you ask them to taste it, they will say no. But a no thank you bite is a positive action they can take to get their way.

4. Clear the dishes when dinner is over. Whether or not the plate is clean, have your child take the dish to the kitchen. If there is food on it, have them scrape it off. This shows them, physically and visually, that there is no more to eat. They will have to wait until breakfast for more. If they are still hungry, offer some water – possibly milk. If your child is still hungry, that hunger will be a much better teacher than any words you offer. Let their tummies browbeat them into eating more – they can’t ignore their own tummies.

When working efficiently, this dinner time ritual will appear as if you have effortless control of the situation. Imagine! Effortless control!

You, as the parent, have set up a successful dinner. The what, when and how is clear. The how much is up to your child. Win-win. It’s like magic! Only it’s well rehearsed, thoughtfully practiced magic. It’ll take some time to get the rhythm down, but get it down you will.

Dinner time isn’t the only food related battle ground. In truth, it happens all day long and can be exhausting. So again, invoke rhythm to see you through.

Every 2 hours offer a healthy snack: protein + a fruit/veg + a grain. Small amounts are great. One almond, some popcorn, a few apple slices. Why so often? Physiologically, children’s bodies need to eat something every 2 hours. Not much, but something. For one, they are growing incredibly fast. But also, children are in constant motion, so they burn through their fuel easily.

Every 2 hours. Small bites.

Another reason this works for parents and children is that it takes the control and struggle out of food issues. If you know that you will offer more food within 2 hours, then it doesn’t matter if your child doesn’t eat. It also gives you a framework against which to stand firm. “No you cannot have a cookie now, but you will have a snack after play time.” The rhythm holds you. It doest the work for you.

*A quick note on how to get your child to eat veggies, ALL veggies. Cook them in butter and salt. Lots of both. Enough to make the veggies taste like butter and salt. No, this isn’t great for 30+ year old bodies, but the point here is to get the veggies in first, and then start making them a little healthier. If your child regularly eats butter with a little spinach thrown in, then it won’t be long before she’ll be eating it raw. Maybe she won’t be Popeye within a week of her first taste of spinach, but soon enough.

photo credit: kennymatic

Now, I don’t know if my kids would truly use a chalkboard placemat to ‘busy’ themselves before dinner and then magically change gears once the plate is served. Something tells me they’d be pretty preoccupied. That said, maybe this is just what I’ve been needing to add some calm around dinnertime?

Ahh. Probably not. But still. Fun!

Here are a few of my favs that I’ve seen around:

Polkadot birthday
Beautiful Life Photos
Bellocchio
And taking this all a step further, Chalkydoodles

photo credit: Polkadot Birthday

How many times of sweeping up after dinner will it take before I buy a splat mat? I don’t know – I’ve lost count and I still don’t have a splat mat.

The reason why is because all of the ones I’ve seen are just too much for me – too ugly, too colorful, too mucha too mucha. That, and I figure you’d be sweeping up anyway, right?

Unfortunately my floors are not on board with my laissez faire attitude.

I found this very understated splat mat at Williams-Sonoma and think it might go great in our dining room. No cheeky kids design here, just some simple peas and carrots. Yes, it’s on the pricey side – but everything else I’ve found that is reasonable looks like crap to me!

We’re a peas kinda household. My girl likes her peas. It’s always a struggle to get her to try any other type of vegetable, though carrots, on occasion, pass muster. That’s why it was so shocking to see her gobble down squash the other night. I mean she gobbled it down like a hungry puppy.

Of course, there is a story behind it…we were out in the garden (thanks to the tireless efforts of our landlady’s green thumb) and lo and behold the squash/zucchini plant was blooming. Sophie and I very thoroughly inspected the ripe squash versus the still growing swash. Then, we carefully picked the one very large ripe squash and brought it upstairs.

For dinner I sautéed it with some butter and gave her a small taste, thinking for sure she’d reject it. Yes, I had peas ready to go but they were artfully hidden.

To my utter surprise, she ate and ate and ate the squash up. Along the way she kept saying, “picked it!” with such glee.

It got me to thinking about introducing new foods to toddlers. The San Francisco Chronicle just ran a story on this very topic and, while growing your own food is not an option for most people (myself included) they did have some choice advice.

First of all, stop offering junk food. If given the choice, children will opt for junk food. This, to me, is easier said than done.

Having kids participate in the preparing or choosing of the food they eat is also helpful. At the grocery, instead of rushing through as quickly as possible, try involving your kid in choosing just the right tomato. Talk the her about what a ripe tomato feels and looks like. That way, when you serve it, she’s (at least somewhat) invested in it already.

As for preparation, try having them stir or mix or some other non-lethal job in the kitchen. Even a 2 year old can use a big spoon to mix apples and oats for apple crisp. Yes, it’ll be messy. But yes, you can have them help with clean up, too!

Give them a job for dinner time. If your children are small, have them fold napkins or set the table (maybe no knives or glasses to start). If they are older, have them pour water for everyone or bring the dinner plates to the table.

Lastly, have them take 3 bites. If they still don’t like it in 3 bites, then don’t force it. This seems to work for my family. Hopefully it will help with yours.

photo credit gregor_y

Look at this inventive way to add some spice in to dinner time while your child STAYS SEATED. Imagine that. These cool placemats have pop up windows and stickers that can keep your little one entertained while you finish your meal, or even *gasp* have conversation! Thank you Hello Hanna.

Until now Sophie has eaten dinner at 5:30 or 6 and then we continued with our nightly routine before putting her to bed.  Now, it seems like she’s happier eating later and closer to her bed time.  We’re happier with this arrangement for her too as it allows her to sleep a little longer in the morning – even a few minutes can make a big difference!  Unfortunately, that puts our grown up dinner later and later – sometimes we’re not even done by 10pm and that is just way too late.  Again, it has to do with maximizing sleep time.

So, we’re in the process of deciding if Sophie joins us for nightly dinners or if we suck it up and eat late.  I’ve always known I’d have family dinners (I did as a child and even when times got really rough we ate together every night and it seemed to hel get us through).  But when to start?  This week we decided to give it a try.

In keeping with Maria Montessori’s adage: not words but virtues, we are attempting to teach table manners to our (almost) 2 year old by modeling the correct behavior.  Teaching through example. Now that we’ve pretty much mastered the “not throwing food on the floor,” it’s time to tackle nutrition, grace and courtesy, and manners.  Whew – that’s a mouthful.  Montessori and much to say about each of these topics and yet I only have the mental ability to begin with these as they relate to the nightly dinner.

Nutrition:  This is a life long lesson I realize, but giving a solid foundation is a parent’s responsibility in my opinion.  By showing Sophie that not only is she served a balanced meal (protein, veggie and starch) but also Mommy and Daddy eat that way every night, I hope to instill in her a “need” for good food.  We don’t praise her for eating what she’s served (well, we try not to) and we don’t offer her food as a reward or withhold it as a punishment.  This creates associations with food that lead to overindulging, stress eating and other bad habits.  If we have dessert, she gets dessert (smaller portion!).  In the interest of full disclose, our daughter will pick out most every veggie and put it aside unless it is a pea or a carrot.  Those she’ll eat.  But, hey, we’ve got to start somewhere.

Grace, courtesy and manners: Since putting a napkin in a 2 year old’s lap is not an option, we do more modeling of grace and courtesy at the dinner table, which fits in nicely with Montessori’s teaching that the sensitive period for grace,  courtesy and manners is 3-6 years old and before that modeling is key.  Still, we use napkins and put then in our laps.  We wait to eat until we are all seated and served, though we don’t say grace or a blessing.  When we have a conversation, we (try to) listen to each other before speaking.  (Note: my husband and I are both talkers, so this one takes practice!)  When it is clear that Sophie is finished, we ask her if she is all done – we’ve taught her the sign language for this, so she can communicate it easily when she feels like it.  This part, truth be told, is hard as she doesn’t always want to communicate clearly and prefers to wiggle and squiggle in her chair.  We try to reinforce the “all done” before we take her out.  “Excuse me”, “thank you”, and “please” will all have to wait until she can actually speak.  Feet and elbows are not allowed though chewing with her mouth open is (for now) as I’m usually thankful that she is actually eating.

Dinner time, as you may suspect, has become hectic.  It’s not the best situation as I prefer to have a nice relaxing dinner, but, for now it’ll do.  Plus, I like to feel like I am sowing the seeds of future mealtimes.