Tag: Finding a Nanny

Childcare is one of those things we agonize over. To send or not to send? In-home daycare or center? Nanny or babysitter? Part-time or full-time?

It can really drive a parent crazy!

But when choosing childcare, one thing is the most important: your gut feeling. I’ve been looking for daycare for one child or another since 1999. And in almost 13 years, it’s never gotten easier — or cheaper.

However, there’s a few questions you can ask yourself before you start looking for childcare. Read more…

We have the most wonderful nanny who comes one day a week and, if my daughter and I could have our way, we’d have her ALL DAY EVERY DAY! Not that I want to outsource all of my mothering duties (though, to be fair, some days I want to do exactly that).

It’s just that she’s so good at keeping my child and my house calm, clean and happy. I’d say we have an excellent relationship and the communication is very clear between us, but then again, I’m filled with appreciation for everything she does so what could go wrong?

Apparently a lot. I was reading in the New York Times that many mothers have issues with their nanny – either the nanny doesn’t do something they should (in the mom’s eyes) or does something they shouldn’t. Even the most successful of moms have trouble clearly communicating their needs and wants to a woman (or man) who is taking on the role of mother, even if it’s just for a short period of time.

Guilt leads the pack as to why moms don’t feel comfortable “bossing” the nanny around. How can they ask a nanny to do things that the mom, herself, won’t do? Guilt always gets in the way, don’t you think?

The other reason mom’s don’t speak up? They are afraid that the nanny might take out her anger at the mom on the kids. Ouch.

Instead of quietly (or not so quietly) seething over some transgression (real or perceived), the advice of the experts is easy: communicate. If you need to write something down to have it be the clearest way to get the message across, then write it. Make a contract with a job description. Whatever it takes to get your needs across is what you must do to avoid confusion.

Don’t get caught up in the rationalization that the nanny surely should know how you want things done because she can see with her own eyes how you fold the laundry or put the dishes away or cook the mac & cheese with extra cheese. Treat it just like an employee/employer situation and you’ll sail right through.

Easier said than done, though. I mean, I never ask my nanny do to the dishes but she does them. I absolutely don’t want her to stop so I thank her when she does them, but do I owe her extra? A bonus? Who knows??? I certainly don’t want to lose her so yeah, maybe I will throw a little something extra her way to say I REALLY REALLY appreciate the extra work she does.

But if I had written a job description in the beginning it would not have included dish washing, so I’d be S O L. I’m just saying…some things you still have to figure out for yourself.

photo credit: frerieke

This is not a comprehensive guide to finding a nanny but a quick look into how my family found the best nanny ever! If you want to know all about finding, hiring, paying, tax information and job descriptions, then you should check out Nanny.com. They have everything you need to know, even sample interview questions.

When it came time for us to find a nanny, I was stumped. As a stay-at-home mom I had no idea where to start, only that I knew what I didn’t want. I didn’t want a nanny who spoke no English. Call me what you will, but I really did not want to have to struggle to communicate what are needs and expectations were. I also didn’t want someone who would simply fill my child’s time.

Since I have a hands-on mothering approach, I wanted to find someone who was similarly focused. And by hands-on I don’t mean “helicopter” mothering. I simply mean that I try to engage my daughter in learning throughout the day – instead of TV, we play with her kitchen, instead of toys that light up and do things we have blocks and dolls and whatnot so her imagination gets a work out.

Now, I’m not wholly opposed to such things as TV and such- a woman needs a break once in a while and those time fillers serve a definite need. But not for our nanny.

Back to finding our nanny. I watched the nannies at the playground. I watched them for a long, long time and noticed how they interacted with the kids their were caring for. Did they sit on the sidelines gossiping with the other nannies, or were they out there interacting with the child? When I was ready, I asked the nannies I admired about their work and simply got to know them. Then, I asked for advice/referrals from those nannies I had come to trust.

What I found was that the nannies who I personally knew became invested in their recommendations because they knew me and my daughter. They knew what we needed and what we didn’t. Their reputation was on the line.

Then, when I got the names of potential nannies for us, I interviewed the women by arranging a play date with my daughter. Afterall, she was the one who would have to spend the most time with this newcomer – she should have a say. Then, after checking references (and you can even do background checks now, if you’d like) I hired the one we all felt the most comfortable with.

Now, she’s with us and we all love her! When she comes over we all happily greet her at the door and look forward to her time with us.

I realize it’s not that easy, especially for working mothers who don’t have the time to personally vet potential nannies at the playground every day. A good back-up resource is a mother’s group in your area. The one I belong to is invaluable for such information. But, there is no substitute for first hand referrals and face to face, “gut check” meetings.

Good luck! I hope you find a nanny as great as ours!

photo credit: d4rr3ll