I was reading an article in the New Yorker about breastfeeding and was stunned at the idea that we, as mothers, may becoming our own wet nurses because of the preference of pumping over breastfeeding.  As a mother who had difficulty with breast feeding because my milk had trouble traveling down my milk ducts to get to my baby, I relied on whatever means possible to give my baby the best that I could.  While formula ultimately became my only option, I find it disheartening to hear about the continued controversy over formula versus breastfeeding.  And now with pumping added to the mix… oiy!

Clearly the nutrients in breast milk are vastly superior to anything that can be manufactured, however, this argument seems to had led to unfortunate consequences.  Here in California, lactation consultants reinforce the practice of breastfeeding to the point of being pushers.  While I applaud the effort, I feel like their emphasis is misplaced.  Instead of reinforcing the notion that breastfeeding is as much about human connection as giving nutrients, the focus on breast milk has not made things better for the baby or the mother.

What a great pity that mothers are being encouraged to do themselves out of what must surely be the most important job in the world, raising the next generation.   Children are being given over to the often very capable hands of day care workers and nannies with bottles of expressed milk.  Capable but can we really say they have the same amount of time and attention needed to fully attune to the new baby.  Breast feeding is about more than giving nutrients to the infant, it is about attunement and bonding.  The first year of a baby’s life is so crucial and so much is now known about the impact of attunement and attachment on infants and the impact of neuronal development.  It’s strange that in a society that is gung ho about the academic development of children so little attention is paid to the all important emotional development which creates stability later on in life.  Surely bonding with mom, more than flash cards and tutors at the age of three, is setting them up for the ability to attend and learn later on.

Not to mention the headache attached to pumping.  Breasts fill and must be drained on a schedule.  The horror stories I’ve heard about women heading off to an icky restroom to pump for 15 minutes is shocking.  I mean would you feed your baby a sandwich in a restroom?   And as for the office restroom, it is dare I say humiliating to be hooked up to a pump like Bessie the cow and have your co-workers come in!  Some offices do have lactation rooms, which is a start, but again that skirts the issue.

I am absolutely not against a mom choosing to return to work after having a baby nor am I opposed to pumping.  What I am opposed to is the lack of discussion around all of the consequences of the myriad choices we mothers have.  Long term consequences.  I feel that, as a society, we should be discussing the effect of day care and nannys as well as breast milk when we discuss what is best for baby.  If we conduct experiments and studies on breast milk, shouldn’t we pay the same attention to the choice to contract out raising our children?

photo credit: Raphael Goetter

But first, a little bit about co-sleeping.  While doing my research I found so many articles for and against co-sleeping that I nearly gave up on the idea of making a decision, but then realized that no decision was in fact a decision so I trudged on.

The argument that stood out for me in favor co-sleeping was that, by sleeping with your infant you are teaching them how to sleep.  Until they arrive, your body is their body; so connected are mother and baby.  When they come out, you realize they are not still a part of your body (believe me, you realize this) but they don’t.  It takes them a long while to understand that separation…(see separation anxiety).  In keeping with this line of thought, then, by modeling sleep behavior you in essence are teaching your baby how to sleep.  Generations of parents across cultures have done so.  Not until recently (relatively speaking, say within the last 200 years) have parents removed the infant from their own bed and put them into a separate room.  Now, I could go on about the pros of co-sleeping, but this is the one that really felt right to me.  This and the fact that, once my baby joined us, I was so intent on watching her every breath (to make sure she was still taking them) that I felt better with her next to me.

But, to be fair, the argument that putting a baby in his or her own room fosters independence also resonated with me.  I mean, afterall, we are raising little adults and I’d like to think that my child will be independent when she grows – not an emotionally stilted dependent being.  Plus, independence is integral to the Montessori method that we choose to raise our daughter by, so I felt conflicted about the decision.

However, the essence of Montessori, to me, is to teach your child when the child is ready to learn that lesson.  Since an infant is still mentally attached to the mother, I figure that co-sleeping is the appropriate lesson for that age and teaching my child how to sleep by essentially modeling the behavior seemed like the thing to do.  I could be rationalizing here, but it felt right.

Which leads me back to finding a good co-sleeper.  Since we have a queen size bed, the one that fits in-between the parents was out – simply not enough room.  Of course, there is always the time honored practice of laying the baby down on the bed, but I was afraid of smothering and excessive rolling over that that was out as well.

What I found fits into to two categories: the co-sleeper and the bassinet.  One actually attaches to the bed, making a tiny bed for the baby but still next to the mom (or dad).  The other can be placed anywhere, either next to the bed or simply in the room.   I loved the Nest-Bassinet: simple, elegant.  And, expensive!  

Then, I found more moderately priced one, the ninna-nanna basket and the Cariboo Classic:

Not bad, but I was leaning more toward having my baby sleep next to me so that I wouldn’t have to be continually getting out of bed to check on her.  Here are the co-sleepers I liked the best.

My favorite by a mile: Cully Bella co-sleeper from Italy.  Unfortunately, it’s not in production.  But just look at it!

Finally, hiding in the depths of the internet I found the Baby Bunk.  Not too expensive, simple, and elegant.  The perfect combo for me.  Here is my bed with the bunk we bought and one with my baby in it…

All three of us loved it.  We each had our own space to sleep but we were all cozy next to each other.  I didn’t have to get out of bed in the night to check on my baby and we all slept as good as can be expected those first three months.  Really, with just a few hiccups, we slept pretty much right on her feeding schedule: at first every three hours we woke, then every four, then we made it to six (what a night!) and then we were getting through from about 11 pm to 7 am. We used the bunk for roughly 4 months, until our little climber started to sit up and try to pull on the edges to investigate the other side…then, she went straight to the floor bed (see post).

Co-sleeping was the exact right decision for our family and using the baby bunk was perfect.  Hope you find what you’re looking for, too.