Tag: table manners

At 21 months of age my daughter has begun eating her meals at her own toddler table. Maria Montessori calls this the weaning table and actually advocates introducing it much earlier than 2 years of age, say around 4-8 months old. The table is Montessori’s replacement for the highchair. Her take on the whole table idea is that it allows the child the opportunity to make his or her own decision regarding eating.

Independence of thought/choice is big in Montessori’s world and while I don’t know near enough about the details to discuss it in detail, I do have a post here and here on the Montessori method as it pertains to eating. I am, however, very interested in the big picture philosophy behind her method. My husband and I often fold (or one could say cherry pick) the Montessori method into our parenting style.

As for feeding time, we chose to use a highchair until we were comfortable offering Sophie the option of getting out of her chair on her own. This timing also coincided with food throwing. Really, our decision has been based on whether or not she’s getting enough to eat to sustain her growing body. However, the food throwing was a very large factor as well. I believe it is the international (and inherent) sign for “I’m all done eating this so called food.” I mean, enough with the food throwing already!

So we’ve introduced the toddler table. Sophie can sit at will and get up at will.

Disaster, you might think…but surprisingly, no. The new found independence (and no doubt trust) she feels has emboldened her to remain at her table until she is finished eating. And she actually eats! A lot.

Now, I will qualify this by saying that sitting is a loose term for what she does at the table. There is a fair amount of standing with one leg dangling over the seat, the one butt cheek on and one butt cheek off of the seat form of sitting, and my favorite the my toe is touching the chair so I’m still sitting form of sitting. Ahh, that lesson will have to come in time. Maybe when we introduce table manners.

The table, though, has successfully stopped the food throwing. When she’s done, she simply gets up. What a concept! Now, we’ve dealt with food throwing in the past and have some fairly effective methods for dealing with it while at the grown up table, but so far the toddler table is the best solution we’ve found. Granted, a semblance of toddler maturity is needed (is there such a thing?) to fully pull it off. I’m a big fan of the toddler table…in fact, I find myself sitting at it with Sophie, which makes for fun table time conversations in a language I have yet to master. I’d recommend it highly.

photo credit: ian.schofield

I’m not certain when the “right” time is for having baby join family dinner time – if you know any guidelines, I’d love to hear them!  We decided that now is the right time for our family.  Our daughter is just shy of 2 years old and while she has been sitting at the table in her highchair (my post about that learning curve is HERE), it seems like the right time to eat family style.

Until now Sophie has eaten dinner at 5:30 or 6 and then we continued with our nightly routine before putting her to bed.  Now, it seems like she’s happier eating later and closer to her bed time.  We’re happier with this arrangement for her too as it allows her to sleep a little longer in the morning – even a few minutes can make a big difference!  Unfortunately, that puts our grown up dinner later and later – sometimes we’re not even done by 10pm and that is just way too late.  Again, it has to do with maximizing sleep time.

So, we’re in the process of deciding if Sophie joins us for nightly dinners or if we suck it up and eat late.  I’ve always known I’d have family dinners (I did as a child and even when times got really rough we ate together every night and it seemed to hel get us through).  But when to start?  This week we decided to give it a try.

In keeping with Maria Montessori’s adage: not words but virtues, we are attempting to teach table manners to our (almost) 2 year old by modeling the correct behavior.  Teaching through example. Now that we’ve pretty much mastered the “not throwing food on the floor,” it’s time to tackle nutrition, grace and courtesy, and manners.  Whew – that’s a mouthful.  Montessori and much to say about each of these topics and yet I only have the mental ability to begin with these as they relate to the nightly dinner.

Nutrition:  This is a life long lesson I realize, but giving a solid foundation is a parent’s responsibility in my opinion.  By showing Sophie that not only is she served a balanced meal (protein, veggie and starch) but also Mommy and Daddy eat that way every night, I hope to instill in her a “need” for good food.  We don’t praise her for eating what she’s served (well, we try not to) and we don’t offer her food as a reward or withhold it as a punishment.  This creates associations with food that lead to overindulging, stress eating and other bad habits.  If we have dessert, she gets dessert (smaller portion!).  In the interest of full disclose, our daughter will pick out most every veggie and put it aside unless it is a pea or a carrot.  Those she’ll eat.  But, hey, we’ve got to start somewhere.

Grace, courtesy and manners: Since putting a napkin in a 2 year old’s lap is not an option, we do more modeling of grace and courtesy at the dinner table, which fits in nicely with Montessori’s teaching that the sensitive period for grace,  courtesy and manners is 3-6 years old and before that modeling is key.  Still, we use napkins and put then in our laps.  We wait to eat until we are all seated and served, though we don’t say grace or a blessing.  When we have a conversation, we (try to) listen to each other before speaking.  (Note: my husband and I are both talkers, so this one takes practice!)  When it is clear that Sophie is finished, we ask her if she is all done – we’ve taught her the sign language for this, so she can communicate it easily when she feels like it.  This part, truth be told, is hard as she doesn’t always want to communicate clearly and prefers to wiggle and squiggle in her chair.  We try to reinforce the “all done” before we take her out.  “Excuse me”, “thank you”, and “please” will all have to wait until she can actually speak.  Feet and elbows are not allowed though chewing with her mouth open is (for now) as I’m usually thankful that she is actually eating.

Dinner time, as you may suspect, has become hectic.  It’s not the best situation as I prefer to have a nice relaxing dinner, but, for now it’ll do.  Plus, I like to feel like I am sowing the seeds of future mealtimes.