The Push and Pull of Toddlerhood
My toddler is firmly in the pushing and pulling stage, and not how you might think. She regularly takes out a grocery bag and “helps” me bring the bag from the front door to the kitchen. (FYI, I’ve usually emptied it already or filled it with light, indestructible groceries.) She’ll take the handles and start pulling but instead of watching where she’s going, she’s watching the bag follow her. So cute.
She’s utterly fascinated with her power over this bag. She pulls, it comes. So not like her seven month old sister who is still immobile with chubs of love that keep her anchored and impervious to pulling. At least non-aggressive pulling, that is.
And then there is the pushing and pulling that you’d think I’d be talking about – the mental kind. But, that’s not so cute now is it?
The discovery of one’s power: such a big life lesson.
Now that I know my girl is in the phase of fully flexing her power muscles, talking with her has become so much easier. I don’t know if it’s just my attitude or what, but it seems like we’re having less power struggles now that I know my girl needs to feel her power.
Like with bedtime. Since I’m with the kids all day, my husband puts our older daughter to sleep at night. Before bed, we both used to ask her to tell me good night and most nights she flat out refused. I guess she felt like it was something she had to do because of the way we both told her to do it. And when my girl refuses, she digs her heels in.
It hurt my feelings, yes, but since I’m the parent I felt like I needed to find a work around instead of slinking off to lick my wounds. And so, experimenting with some power of my own, I started blowing her kisses.
I’d say “goodnight” all cheery and blow kisses to her. I’d ham it up and get a little goofy, which would invariably make her laugh. And whaddya know – she started blowing kisses right back saying giddily “good night, Mommy!”
For what it’s worth, giving into the need for toddlers to feel powerful doesn’t have to mean that you are losing the power war. It just means you’re a good strategist and I’ll take that any day!
photo credit: lou & magoo
