Toddler Lying: When Does It Begin?

I’m teaching my daughter how to lie. Inadvertently, of course. But I’m doing it just the same. Bet you are too. Wanna know how?

According to the excellent book NurtureShock toddlers can’t tell the difference between intentional lying and being wrong or forgetting. Like the other day, my girl wanted to use the hair drier (we use it after a bath and she sort of likes it). What, I thought? Her hair was already dry, it being morning and all and she had her bath the night before. But, to her, she hadn’t made the connection between WET hair and using the hair drier to DRY her hair.

So, I said no honey, we’ll use it tonight after your bath. That seemed to be an OK plan so we went about our day.

Cut to night time – it’s late, dinner has run past a reasonable hour, Sophie has been swimming with her grandmother and taken a shower so we decide no bath. No bath means no wet hair. No wet hair means no hair drier.

I didn’t think anything of it. But, in her eyes, I lied that morning because we never did use the hair drier like I said. For toddlers there is no difference between forgetting, changing plans without acknowledging it and lying, again at least according to the research cited in NurtureShock.

So now, I’ve noticed, she has started lying. Small lies that actually crack me up, but they are lies just the same. She doesn’t quite know how to do it yet but she’s giving it a try.

Scary.

Oh, I should mention that lying is a form of intelligence but that’s a different post!

Tagged as: Child Development, Lying, NurtureShock, Po Bronson

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